Posted by: Yvonne Meek | January 29, 2017

What Troubles Me

These are troubling times we are living in; times of shattered hope and radical change. Things none of us wanted. I am writing out of frustration and a growing distaste for people and their arguments, for to pick a side, to state your opinion, to care and respond because of that care … will incur being ‘unfriended’ in the least and threats of violence and even death in the worst. No matter what you do to aid any cause, someone will be angry and opinionated about it, telling you that what you are doing, defending, giving to, protesting, spending, etc. … is not enough or the right thing to do for their interpretation of social justice.

And it seems today more than any other time in the history of the printed Bible everyone is a scholar or better, has walked in the footsteps of Jesus and somehow knows His word for you better than you through the Holy Spirit, may have gleaned for yourself. So, the Atheist still finds no value in your opinion or argument and the Agnostic always has a ‘better’ answer through science or rabbit trailed reasoning. But worst of all is the church who should be the bride of Christ, yet every denomination, non-denomination, faction, sect of the contemporary church is no different than the Pharisees and Sadducees of Jesus time, fighting for preeminence over ruling the chosen with weighty millstones of tradition and convoluted distortions and heresies of biblical teachings.

What troubles me …

I have always feared authority and shunned confrontation … ever since my father chased my mother around the kitchen with a knife to cut her stockings off. Ever since my father would beat my brothers, knocking their heads together or banging them against the wall. Ever since my father would walk out of my brother’s room after he’d spent his initial rage on them, glaring at me while spewing, “You’re next!” Ever since we would sit in terrified stillness at the dinner table listening to angry screams of “Eat it!” from my father while trying to choke down mouthfuls of food through muffled sobs.

What troubles me …

I have always hated disrespect, injustice, and inequity … ever since that stinky boy in second grade wiped his boogers on my new white fake fur “polar bear” coat. Ever since that ugly second grade teacher pull another girl’s earring from my ear drawing blood. Ever since a rude third grade teacher preferred one musician over another and embarrassed me in front of the classroom of my peers. Ever since a fat fifth grade teacher didn’t like me and told me she “thought I was as stupid as my older brother”. Ever since that same teacher humiliated me for the sagging hem of my school uniform before I taught myself to sew. Ever since the catholic school I attended changed their attitude to my parents after their divorce and treated us all like trash. Ever since that insensitive catholic priest wrote “the nose” as my nickname on a graduation note; it wasn’t funny to a homely young girl.

What troubles me …

I have always hated misogynists … ever since my mother finally had the courage to leave my father but didn’t take us with her because she couldn’t afford it and my father wouldn’t let her. Ever since a judge determined that my mother ‘abandoned her children’ and was unfit to have custody of them. Ever since I heard that a neighbor was abusing his wife and children, and had them terrified of breathing, let alone leaving. Ever since I was foolish enough to date someone who I would allow to abuse me. Ever since I was taught that God preferred males to females, when I knew in my heart that God created us both in his image.

What troubles me …

I can still taste the terror of powerlessness … which drifts in and out like foggy shadows. I kind of hope that some of the things I experienced as a child were merely products of an overactive imagination, but the truth is, I can still taste the terror of my father’s outbursts of violence. And years later, I can still taste my own rage as I waited in a closet with a shotgun after the last beating I took from someone I ‘loved’.

What troubles me …

I still experience the boiling rise of anger … over photos of tortured animals which arouse revulsion at the perpetrators. Yet the recent exposure of Planned Parenthood’s unrepentant trading of human baby body parts leave unmoved so many enlightened liberals is appalling and unconscionable.

What troubles me …

I hate patriarchy in the church, in any religion … it is not just a feminist rage thing, but a truly righteous anger over false teaching in the church that is as old as the foundations of the canon. So, I will stand for the rights of every woman to be recognized as a full partner in Jesus and His Church, and demand that we have equal voice in all areas of the church and society … just as God the Creator intended when He created male and female in His image back in that garden of beauty, life, and shared dominion.

What troubles me …

Maybe, just maybe … if we treated each other as “neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”  Just maybe we’d have treated each other better following Jesus example as he interacted with women and so forth from the foundations of the church, the bride of Christ.

Today, this is what troubles me. That I cannot fix it. That I cannot communicate adequately or that I’m too passionate or that I get angry or that I start to cry because I am overwhelmed by my life experience and the intensity of my response. That is what troubles me … today.


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