Posted by: Yvonne Meek | August 16, 2017

caged birds …

interesting realization this morning … i am like my birds … trapped in a cage, frantically flying around in it trying to find a spot, trying to escape or settle to no avail …
 
sentient beings long for meaning and purpose … the Word of God in Proverbs 29:18 says … “Where there is no vision*, the people perish*: but (s)he that keeps the law, happy is (s)he.” *some versions use “prophecy”, “revelation” or “hope” for “vision” and “cast off restraint” rather than “perish”.
 
the passage implies that when an individual has no direction, no hope, or no promise they become unrestrained or perish.  experiencing such despair can cause people to do things they normally wouldn’t when they have the hope of a promise, etc.  the passage closes with “but happy are those who keep the law.”  … i believe this passage directs me to seek out the guidance of the law (Word) of God on how to live my days for God’s law is love and perfect peace.
 
i am an imperfect follower of Jesus the Messiah … i am confident in that.  i am not despairing … i have so many blessings it would be ungrateful to my God to feel otherwise.  i am certain that Jesus died for me, took my place on that humiliating cross as judgment for my sins.  he saved me, forgave me, and loved me … and he continues to forgive, restore, heal, love, and use me even though i am truly unworthy.
 
but … this, my journey, is difficult … i have lost my purpose, my hope, my direction.  i am a singer without a voice or a song.  i am a songwriter who cannot find or express the music in my heart because it hides from me.  i am a writer without a message yet burdened by so much.  i have tried … and tried again … then a few more times.
i am broken.  i am purposeless.  i feel too intensely, think too deeply, and take so much too personally.  and yet, i cannot heap up for myself teachers who preach a false gospel of positivity, health or wealth.  nor can i run to pop-psychologists who offer the wisdom of men or the darkness of mysticism and eastern philosophies to soothe a troubled heart, mind and soul that God created.
instead, in this hopefully brief season, i will run to God and take refuge in his strong tower.  i will walk by faith through this darkness.  i will hide in Jesus until he carries me into the light.
i will trust in the walls of my ‘castle’ … i will find a perch, a sunny corner … and try my best to sing … again
Posted by: Yvonne Meek | March 23, 2017

Flowers for Jeni and family

Sending prayers continually from Montrose Colorado. Thank you for sharing your photos, thoughts, and prayers with us!

Cynthia Reyes

You may know her as The Hopeful Herbalist.

She writes gorgeous poetry and prose, and posts lovely photos of life at her home in Scotland.

She’s also a blogger friend to me and many others. As an example, Jeni’s kind wishes and comforting verses helped bolster my hope and faith at a very shaky time.

blog-photo-pink-peony[1]Recently, Jeni has been going through a challenging time, alluded to here.

~~

Jeni and Ian and your family: you are in our hearts and prayers.

If I were half as good a poet as you, Jeni, I’d write something wonderful — but as you know, I’m poetically challenged.

blog-photo-afternoon-tea-pink-poppies[1]And as you might guess, Hamlin took these photos. I didn’t.

But I chose them for you.  And I send you love.

Stay strong, my friend.

From my family, to you and yours, with hugs.

Grace and peace.

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A sound and reasonable response to an emotionally loaded question …

pnissila

Phyllis Beveridge Nissila

Is it heartless and hateful to enact reasonable immigration restrictions? Is it so black-and-white? Or is there a “straw man” lurking somewhere?

ONE VIEW

A friend of mine, also a blogger, whose work I admire for the normally scholarly care she takes in citing her sources in context, posted an uncharacteristically non-scholarly commentary on President Trump’s recent Executive Order (EO) regarding immigration.

Her summary lacked her usual care in citing (and considering) original sources, and can be summed up, I think, in her emotion-based argument, quoted here, supported by a hypothetical “hard case”:

“Fellow Americans, did any of us want or envision that the new administration would mean that the nice Middle-Eastern man in our neighborhood, whom we know by name, would find himself unable to come home to his kids?”

Elsewhere in her post, she equated establishing the rule of law at the border for…

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Posted by: Yvonne Meek | January 29, 2017

What Troubles Me

These are troubling times we are living in; times of shattered hope and radical change. Things none of us wanted. I am writing out of frustration and a growing distaste for people and their arguments, for to pick a side, to state your opinion, to care and respond because of that care … will incur being ‘unfriended’ in the least and threats of violence and even death in the worst. No matter what you do to aid any cause, someone will be angry and opinionated about it, telling you that what you are doing, defending, giving to, protesting, spending, etc. … is not enough or the right thing to do for their interpretation of social justice.

And it seems today more than any other time in the history of the printed Bible everyone is a scholar or better, has walked in the footsteps of Jesus and somehow knows His word for you better than you through the Holy Spirit, may have gleaned for yourself. So, the Atheist still finds no value in your opinion or argument and the Agnostic always has a ‘better’ answer through science or rabbit trailed reasoning. But worst of all is the church who should be the bride of Christ, yet every denomination, non-denomination, faction, sect of the contemporary church is no different than the Pharisees and Sadducees of Jesus time, fighting for preeminence over ruling the chosen with weighty millstones of tradition and convoluted distortions and heresies of biblical teachings.

What troubles me …

I have always feared authority and shunned confrontation … ever since my father chased my mother around the kitchen with a knife to cut her stockings off. Ever since my father would beat my brothers, knocking their heads together or banging them against the wall. Ever since my father would walk out of my brother’s room after he’d spent his initial rage on them, glaring at me while spewing, “You’re next!” Ever since we would sit in terrified stillness at the dinner table listening to angry screams of “Eat it!” from my father while trying to choke down mouthfuls of food through muffled sobs.

What troubles me …

I have always hated disrespect, injustice, and inequity … ever since that stinky boy in second grade wiped his boogers on my new white fake fur “polar bear” coat. Ever since that ugly second grade teacher pull another girl’s earring from my ear drawing blood. Ever since a rude third grade teacher preferred one musician over another and embarrassed me in front of the classroom of my peers. Ever since a fat fifth grade teacher didn’t like me and told me she “thought I was as stupid as my older brother”. Ever since that same teacher humiliated me for the sagging hem of my school uniform before I taught myself to sew. Ever since the catholic school I attended changed their attitude to my parents after their divorce and treated us all like trash. Ever since that insensitive catholic priest wrote “the nose” as my nickname on a graduation note; it wasn’t funny to a homely young girl.

What troubles me …

I have always hated misogynists … ever since my mother finally had the courage to leave my father but didn’t take us with her because she couldn’t afford it and my father wouldn’t let her. Ever since a judge determined that my mother ‘abandoned her children’ and was unfit to have custody of them. Ever since I heard that a neighbor was abusing his wife and children, and had them terrified of breathing, let alone leaving. Ever since I was foolish enough to date someone who I would allow to abuse me. Ever since I was taught that God preferred males to females, when I knew in my heart that God created us both in his image.

What troubles me …

I can still taste the terror of powerlessness … which drifts in and out like foggy shadows. I kind of hope that some of the things I experienced as a child were merely products of an overactive imagination, but the truth is, I can still taste the terror of my father’s outbursts of violence. And years later, I can still taste my own rage as I waited in a closet with a shotgun after the last beating I took from someone I ‘loved’.

What troubles me …

I still experience the boiling rise of anger … over photos of tortured animals which arouse revulsion at the perpetrators. Yet the recent exposure of Planned Parenthood’s unrepentant trading of human baby body parts leave unmoved so many enlightened liberals is appalling and unconscionable.

What troubles me …

I hate patriarchy in the church, in any religion … it is not just a feminist rage thing, but a truly righteous anger over false teaching in the church that is as old as the foundations of the canon. So, I will stand for the rights of every woman to be recognized as a full partner in Jesus and His Church, and demand that we have equal voice in all areas of the church and society … just as God the Creator intended when He created male and female in His image back in that garden of beauty, life, and shared dominion.

What troubles me …

Maybe, just maybe … if we treated each other as “neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”  Just maybe we’d have treated each other better following Jesus example as he interacted with women and so forth from the foundations of the church, the bride of Christ.

Today, this is what troubles me. That I cannot fix it. That I cannot communicate adequately or that I’m too passionate or that I get angry or that I start to cry because I am overwhelmed by my life experience and the intensity of my response. That is what troubles me … today.

An interesting blog post … thank you for sharing Ellysia.

http://ow.ly/RvC45

Posted by: Yvonne Meek | July 30, 2015

Church Shunning

I’m back … here’s an article from a wonderful new friend in Las Vegas.

Our family has definitely experienced this behavior from church ‘family’ with whom we once shared fellowship. So sad that it is easier to blindly obey immature leadership than to search the scriptures for truth on how to discern and act in true fellowship …

Church Shunning.

Our door is open …

Looking forward to hosting this group on Friday evening at The Lark & Sparrow Venue in Montrose, CO.

The International Review of Music

By Don Heckman

Ashland, Oregon. I expected another memorable musical experience Saturday night when I looked at my schedule. And with good reason. For the past few weeks, I’ve heard and enjoyed a series of compelling evenings of music in concerts produced by the Siskiyou Music Project.

Saturday’s performance by Jeremy Siskind and the Housewarming Project – another musical group well-chosen by the SMP’s Artistic Director Ed Dunsavage — was no exception. It reached, in fact, beyond music, into a transformative event in which the players, the music and the location blended into an intimate togetherness, drawing its listeners into a kind of complete experiential participation.

The location was to me, as an Ashland newcomer, utterly gripping. It’s called the Old Siskiyou Barn. And that’s exactly what it once was.

The Old Siskiyou Barn

But now, despite its location in the woodsy mountain area south of Ashland, it has…

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Posted by: Yvonne Meek | December 30, 2014

Should I Blog Today?

Should I blog today?  I am feeling the weight of the world …

I am so overwhelmed/outraged/heartbroken by the atrocities that ISIS/ISIL and Islamic/Muslim factions are doing in the middle east and across Europe and Africa … specifically to women, children, ethnically diverse communities, and Christians.

I am acutely aware of the threat against my beloved Israel and Jewish people all over the world. I will always stand with Israel and pray for her peace.

Having lived just outside of Los Angeles and southern California until I was about 30 years old I have also experienced first-hand gang violence and the civil unrest erupting from racial divides.

Ethnically, I am American, first, and Mexican, indigenous Indian, and Irish, second. I grew up in mixed race communities of Hispanics, Blacks, and Whites,  … communities which are now primarily Asian.  I grew up eating ‘meat and potatoes’ and Japanese food.

I am an outspoken ‘feminist’ in the dictionary definition of the term so I don’t hate men.  And I am a radically saved, born-again, egalitarian Jesus-freak, firmly convinced that my equal value as a woman is rooted in the biblical accounts of Genesis and the life and death of my Saviour Jesus.

I do not believe that my gender is solely responsible for the fall of ‘man’kind … but that God created female and male equally in His image and charged US with the responsibility of stewardship over His creation. I believe that both male and female sinned … together … causing the judgement we lived under until the life, death and resurrection of Jesus.

I believe that Jesus resurrection covered ALL sin; Adam & Eve’s sin, Hitler’s sin, my sin, your sin, past, present, and future. BUT, I also believe that each individual is free to chose to follow Jesus accepting His atoning work and turning from a life that intentionally dishonors His sacrificial death. I do not believe that salvation comes without a cost to any of us … and that cost requires that we turn from our old life and sins and walk in the newness of re-birth, following Jesus commands by first loving Him and being as much like Him as we possibly can. I do not believe that all roads lead to God … but that eternal salvation comes only through Jesus.

I do not believe that any man or other created being or ideology has the right over my life, my body, or my soul for that is fully in God’s hand … I will submit only to Him.

I love the country I was born in … that my parents were born in … that their parents and grandparents immigrated to! I love the freedoms and rights that were established at the founding of this great and imperfect nation and that my ancestors and relatives fought for. I believe those ideals were meant for all peoples who would be born or immigrate here … who would want for the same opportunities and liberty. I am disheartened to see those ideals being stripped away by a president who has lied to us and no regard for the constitution.

I am a dreamer, a capitalist, an entrepreneur, and a giver. I am angered by people with a socialist/communist agenda who are ungrateful for this great and imperfect country. I am angered by people who are greedy for what others have, demanding that what they aren’t willing to work for be shared by those who have worked.

I am feeling the weight of the world today … and I fear for the future of this country … and for our freedoms … and for my children. I don’t even know if it’s possible to change the path we are on anymore. I don’t trust our government. I don’t trust the church today. I don’t trust the UN or any person, denomination, or country who turns its back on Israel.

What I do know is … Jesus! I believe in the warnings of the old testament, the warnings and promises of Jesus in the new testament, and the prophecy of Revelation. The bible says that there will be a judgment … that light will expose the darkness … and that I have an eternal hope. In my uneasiness, I am clinging to that hope.

Meanwhile, I will do the best that I can, help when I can, take care of my own, try to build my beautiful dream here on earth, use my life and resources to honor Jesus. Whether we agree or not, I know that path I am on and you are welcome to walk alongside but I’m not here to argue.

This is my gift of love for you … truth! Truth must win … truth is love … we don’t get to make it up or pick and chose only the parts we like. We get to dig deep … for it is a buried treasure. Often it is painful to face. But it is eternal.

My heart hurts today over the state of the world. And in my ‘little girl, hope you like me’ weakness, I’m fearful of pushing you away, so I’m reluctant to share my heart.  But the truth is … the only truth is Jesus!

Agape!

Posted by: Yvonne Meek | April 29, 2012

hopeful beginnings … finishing well

i want to finish well …

not that i expect to leave this life anytime soon but i’ve been thinking alot these days about the point of my existence.  i have many friends who love to give the common trite answers but i’ve never been able to accept those answers so easily.

i began my ‘spiritual’ journey in 1986 with a ‘radical’ conversion to Christianity.  true, i grew up Catholic, baptized, communioned, and confirmed with eight years of parochial school under the strict hands of Carmelite nuns, followed by another four years in a private Catholic high school.  i am thankful for the upbringing though.  i think it keeps me from doing many things i might want to do but am really afraid to do …. and that can be both good and bad.

i have believed since very early in my life that i was created specifically to sing.  as a young girl, of course, i had dreams of being famous but fear seemed to rule my life so i didn’t pursue as i could or should have.  i always felt a little lost, waiting for someone to take me by the hand and lead me or walk with me.  i don’t mean do it for me but i never wanted to go it alone … i was really scared.

after that radical conversion, my love for singing could not be denied.  i joined my church choir, formed an acapella vocal jazz group, was invited to sing on our church praise band/team, and excitedly settled into a life i had never really imagined.  i did love my single life which was for the most part, committed to ministry and music.  i did not want to compete with anyone for a title or position, i sincerely only wanted to be in that perfect place of doing what i was certain i was created to do.  and somewhere in the middle of this journey, i wasn’t quite so afraid anymore.  there is a confidence that emerges when we feel certain that God is orchestrating our lives for His good.  there is a confidence in God that emerges when He is our sole companion and we cling to Him for our life, breath, and hope.  it isn’t desparate.  it isn’t weak.  it is peaceful, calm, sure, powerful … like the calm experienced in the eye of a storm.

but that was over 25 years ago …  i would love to say that i have been completely faithful to everyone on this journey, most of all God, but i cannot.  i do however, know that i am loved by Him and am forgiven by Him even before i ask.  i also know that i did begin this journey well though i have been sidetracked and detoured many times.  i am also 100% certain that nothing is 100% certain until it has passed, except for the unending, relentless love that God has for me.

and i am certain that i want to finish well … whenever that finish may be.  i want to live in the truth of my creation fulfilliing who God created me to be.  i want to live beyond my fears, opening doors placed before me, stepping through to fulfill my destiny.  i want to resurrect my hopes and dreams of music and quite possibly, of ministry.  i want to cling to the promises that gave me a future and a hope.  i do not mean to simply settle for an eternal future … that’s almost too easy.

the challenge is living out that hope on a daily basis.  living out the the belief that God has created me to be andn to do … to live fully and passionately in this lifetime.  to live an abundant life.  to cling to Him for each breath, walking with Him, not waiting for anyone else to accompany me but to do His will for me.  to live in the now and …

… to finish well

Posted by: Yvonne Meek | October 28, 2011

pathway to a fulfilled life … ???

those of you who really know me … know i rarely ask for help!

i’ve always held a strong conviction to feel a sense of pride in accomplishing whatever anyone asks me to do.  unfortunately, i set aside my goals/ideas/projects as soon as someone wrangles me into theirs.   admittedly, i am a people pleaser and say “yes” too often … which i’m working on to overcome.  but that’s not the problem right now.

though, i do have a good part-time job with wonderful people right now … i think they all know i would be happier in work that is more suited to who i really am.

i need full-time paying employment!

… within the music/arts industry … administrative, event/venue focused, promoting, organizing, performing, etc. … recording studio, performing arts venue, etc.

i need to move to a larger community!

… preferably, near a coastline … extremely supportive of music/arts … with more opportunities to perform and more musicians to be challenged by, as well.

i need to be a performing songwriter again!

… musicians and gigs have dried up for me where i am living and i simply cannot live that way … my soul aches.

i cannot volunteer or work for free anymore!

people are always asking me for help with various situations/organizations, etc.  i’ve compiled a killer list of media contacts, i enjoy designing ads, posters, flyers, newsletters, press releases and helping people find funding sources or write grants, etc., and i’m a pretty good singer/musician but few want to pay for my services.  many non-profits where i live ask me to perform for free for their fund-raisers or help with their marketing/promotions and contrary to what some might think, i have and often do!   though i am sooo tempted to continue to say “yes” to prove myself to you or ‘hope’ you just might pay me for my services … i can’t afford to do it.  i am not independently wealthy but rather am deep in debt and i simply don’t earn enough to get out of the situation.  not only do i have personal unsecured debt and business debt, i am very close to losing my home, my car, my reputation and … my hope.

 i don’t want a hand-out … i don’t want to file for bankruptcy … i don’t want to government to give me anything, either!

… i want to work and enjoy my work … to be appreciated for my work ethic … to be respected for my vision and contribution … i want to stop picking the wrong jobs and/or wrong people to work for.

i want to bring joy, peace, harmony and unity to people!

maybe i’m dillusional but i want people to be happy to see me or hear from me … whey they see me coming … when they hear my voice … when they work with me.  i don’t want to be a bummer but a bright spot in their day or someone who adds value to their life.

so i need your help!

… there MUST be something for me out there … some place that i belong … with people who appreciate me and don’t want to use or abuse me … i just can’t do it anymore.

i am certain that GOD created me for a purpose!

… beyond being a wife and mother (don’t even go there)!  as a child, i believed that purpose was music … so i have to find that purpose again.  i don’t want your job … i want the one for which i was created.

if you know of something!

… visit my online profile at  www.linkedin.com/in/yvonnemeek or www.my.music-jobs.com/yvonnemeek or www.facebook.com/yvonnemeekmusic or www.yvonnemeek.com to see what i’ve been up to for 30 years

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